Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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