: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
