Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
