I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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