Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
