I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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