I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
