you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
