Too much gin, very little bucket
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
