Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
