Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
