hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
