What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
