Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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