i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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