It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
