I looked at my own cervix.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
