it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
