I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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