If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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