ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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