please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
