Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
