Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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