I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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