She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
