I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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