i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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