Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I understand Curling. That high.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
