I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
