I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
