so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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