I just cut my nipple shaving
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
