You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
