I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
