Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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