Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
