i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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