Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
