when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
