Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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