while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
