I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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