Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
