I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Oh god it's open bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
