I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
