Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
