I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
