1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
