U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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