I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I could fuck to npr.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
