I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
