In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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