i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
