This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
